omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
