I'm going to jail i love you
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
