im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
