they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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