I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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