i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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