I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is it because I queefed?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
