Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
