Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
