we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
