Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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