I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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