Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
