When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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