dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
