I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
