also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
