i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
