Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
