Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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