we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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