your parents love me but you hate me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
