based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
