2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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