She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
