Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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