thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
