I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
