Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
