What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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