Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
