is your mom at the bar?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
