Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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