morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
