I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
