I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
