I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
