I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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