She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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