We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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