Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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