I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
