you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
