Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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