OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
