Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
