I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
