I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
