You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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