I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
