the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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