Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
