I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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