No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
