1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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