I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
