i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
