i think my tv is drunk
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
