I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
