There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
