All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
