At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
