my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
