somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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