i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
