3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your dad touched me again.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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