you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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