i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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