Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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