erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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